Why can't I win...?

So, after getting KO'd out of a handful of .10 games, I finally made two final tables recently and place 3rd in both. One was in a .10 360 seat SNG for $4, the other in a $1 45 seat SNG for $7.

I have mixed emotions about this-they're decent finishes and Im happy about that. In fact, this is the first time that I've made 2 final tables in a game with 100+ players and the first time Ive ever made 3 FTs all in less than a week. Thats an accomplishment for me, but I have to admit I am pretty disappointed in myself and my final result. Especially in the .10 SNG because I was so close to winning it and a 1st place finish in anything with more than 100+ players has been eluding me for so long. It feels like I let another 1st place win slip through my fingers and Im really frustrated, disappointed, and upset about it.


Final Table and A bad back...

Well, holy shat, I'm off to an excellent start. Not only did I place pretty far in my previous .10 MTSNG, but soon after I make a final table in a .10 MTSNG! Its been so long since I made a FT and making it this far not only gave me a HUGE boost of confidence, but I am completely ecstatic. I havent felt this good about playing poker in a while.

I managed to make .80 for my 8th place finish. It may seem like Im playing such small stakes compared to my BR, but these micro buy-in tables have been excellent for gaging where my poker game is at on a personal level. I'll continue to play this games to try find leaks in my game that I'll need to work on and eventually plug, but will eventually make a transition into bigger buy-in MTSNGs and MTTs. Also, 1st place payout isn't that bad for a .10 buy-in.

From PokerStars:
PokerStars Tournament #92544366, No Limit Hold'em
Buy-In: $0.10
360 players
Total Prize Pool: $36.00
Tournament started - 2008/06/18 - 16:14:34 (ET)

You finished the tournament in 8th place.
A $0.90 award has been credited to your Real Money account.

So, today I went to a chiropractor to have my back checked out. I've had lower back pains and problems for a few years. Its more of a back discomfort than anything, but physical activity causes my back to get inflamed. Anyway, it appears that I a very tense back due to the years of my discomforts and back pains. Its one of the tightest backs that he's ever seen in all years of being a chiropractor. So, Im going to have to go in about 3x a week to get my back loosened up and realigned. So, thats going to be fun and Ill keep everyone up to date on my back status.

Confidence booster...

Well, I just finished 13/360 in a .10 MTSNG for a cool 40 cents. Can you say 'BALLIN'? This is the best I've placed in a long time, though I really wanted to make the FT. That would've sent my poker confidence through the roof considering how bad I had been running at this particular game. Sadly, that dream was ripped away when my 99 < AQ. While getting knocked out so close to the FT sucks, I am so happy with my result and it was exactly what I needed to start building that confidence back up. I cant build my BR if I dont have the confidence in myself and the belief that I can win.

Anyway, after playing a couple $1 SNGs, placing 2nd in one, and a handful of .10 MTSNGs that i didn't cash in, this little ITM finish brought me back to even. So, it was like a little freeroll to see where my game was at and Im personally quite pleased with how I have been doing. So, now with an even $50 BR and this boost of confidence, I feel like I am ready to start playing, to start winning, and to start building.


Overcoming a mental barrier...

For some reason I am finding it a bit difficult to buy into a game. Im playing the lowest stakes possible, I have a decent sized BR to work with, and Im playing within my BRM plan. So, why do I feel hesitant to play? I think its because I had such a bad run previously with SNGs and MTTs that Im afraid this is just going to be continuation of it. Mind you, Im not afraid of losing money and I have BRM plan that assure me that I wont be losing too much at at time when I do, so I'm not playing scared money. Im more worried about the thought of my bad run continuing and how that is going to affect me. I already question my game as it with the results of my previous bad run and my overall tournament results. Im so -ROI that its not even funny, so for a downswing to continue might be a bit difficult for me to handle. Of course, I'll never know if I don't play, so I really have to get back on those tables and just see what happens. Im just hoping that things are different and work out for me this time around. As long as I keep my emotions in check and follow my BRM plan, I should be OK no matter what the outcome...I just hope its a positive one.

On a side note, I feel really silly worrying about my petty stakes downswings and bad runs when there are members of CC who downswing at stakes I can only dream about playing. I went 0/43 in .10 MTSNGs/MTTs for a -$4.30 bad run and that bothers me when there are members who downswing 100NL. While its relative to the player's BR (at the time of my bad run, I only had a $5 BR) and what stakes they play, it just makes worrying about my pathetic chump-change downswings a bit childish...Well, with that said, I guess its time for me to fucking man up and get back on those tables.



So, this is my poker blog. Pretty neat, huh? Well, actually, its not just a poker blog as I plan on blogging about other stuff as well. For the most part though, its a poker blog. Anyway, in this blog, I will be keeping track of my online poker progress. I really want to focus on my game and try to improve it as much as possible. I feel like my game has been slacking and its possible that I am a very weak player. I've never thought of myself as being a good player or even decent player, but I don't like where I currently am at with my game. I don't expect myself to become the best player, but I would at least like to become a winning one. While I'll probably only be able to put in a few hours a day at a time, I want to make the best of those hours. I need to start watching/railing/playing in the CardsChat buy-in and freeroll events more often and really study what the consistent winning players are doing. They're obviously doing something right, so who better to learn from than them?

I'll be starting with a $50 bankroll on PokerStars, its not a big starting BR but PokerStars has a lot of micro-limit games that are perfect to get me going. I want to focus more on improving my SNG, MTSNG, and MTT results since those are the games I enjoy playing the most. I also would like to start playing the NLHE cash games more. I've never really focused on online cash games before, so this will be something completely new for me.

To ensure that I maintain my bankroll, I will be following a simple bankroll management plan of only having at least 50 buy-ins for MTTs, 30 buy-ins for SNGs, and 20 buy-ins for cash games with a minimum of 100 BBs. So, nothing complicated at all, but I am going to be very strict about following it.

I guess thats it. I don't have any set goals I'm looking to achieve; I just want to improve my overall poker game, plug my leaks, and become a better/winning player. While I am serious about improving and I do take the game seriously, this is nothing more than just a hobby to me. I don't expect myself to be making a living playing poker, though if by some miracle that happens, that might be interesting. For now, I'll just work on beating the micro-stakes. Im willing to work hard to improve and be a better player, but I'm also looking forward to having fun with this. And who knows what will happen...?